• January 26, 2021

Know More About Disorganized/Disoriented Attachment Style

Disorganized/disoriented attachment, also referred to as fearful-avoidant attachment, stems from intense fear, often as a result of childhood trauma, neglect, or abuse. Adults with this style of insecure attachment tend to feel they don’t deserve love or closeness in a relationship.

How disorganized attachment style affects adult relationships – If you have a disorganized attachment style, you’ve likely never learned to self-soothe your emotions, so both relationships and the world around you can feel frightening and unsafe. If you experienced abuse as a child, you may try to replicate the same abusive patterns of behavior as an adult.

  • You probably find intimate relationships confusing and unsettling, often swinging between emotional extremes of love and hate for a partner.
  • You may be insensitive towards your partner, selfish, controlling, and untrusting, which can lead to explosive or even abusive behavior. And you can be just as hard on yourself as you are on others.
  • You may exhibit antisocial or negative behavior patterns, abuse alcohol or drugs, or prone to aggression or violence.
  • Others may despair at your refusal to take responsibility for your actions.
  • While you crave the security and safety of a meaningful, intimate relationship, you also feel unworthy of love and terrified of getting hurt again.
  • Your childhood may have been shaped by abuse, neglect, or trauma.

Primary caregiver relationship – If your primary caregiver was dealing with unresolved trauma themselves, it can lead to the intense fear associated with a disorganized/disoriented attachment style. Often the parent acted as both a source of fear and comfort for you as an infant, triggering the confusion and disorientation you feel about relationships now. In other cases, your parental figure may have ignored or overlooked your needs as an infant, or their erratic, chaotic behavior could have been frightening or traumatizing to you.

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